my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
