she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
