Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
