I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
