There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we made out on top of his cat.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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