I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
