Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Randomize
