i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
