mondays should just be called national damage control day
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
