i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
