So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
