So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
