Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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