i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Randomize
