the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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