..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
