My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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