Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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