That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
