i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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