im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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