i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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