Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize