I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
