is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
