saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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