fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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