Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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