you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
