Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
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It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
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I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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