dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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