Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dignity is for republicans.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
