somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
