My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
