Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
