Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
