just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
