I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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