FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
