The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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