everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
