His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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