I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
