Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
