i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
