My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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