I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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