if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
