They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
