yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
