Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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