I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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