turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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