How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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