Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
