not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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