I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize