i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
All I want is dick and wine.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
