two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
