I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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