Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
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