I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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