Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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