please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
