Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
