Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My first STD was from a foam party
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
