Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
