Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
