At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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