guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
