i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
