Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Randomize
