i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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