So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He passed out mid-signature
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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