Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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