I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
