the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
